Welcome to my first blog post.
The idea: What if freelancing were a fantasy island?
I hope it entertains you and perhaps offers some insight into the weird and wonderful world of freelance content and copywriting.
Click here for a plain English guide to the marketing terms in this fantasy blog.
Now, snuggle up with a mug of cocoa and dive into…
Freelancia: A Freelancing Micro-Fantasy
Imagine you are a freelance writer, adrift in the Sea of Content. The shipwreck of your fantasy novel sinks slowly beneath the waves as you cling desperately to your philosophy degree. After many days on the open ocean, you find yourself on a mysterious desert island… Freelancia.
As you stumble unsteadily to your feet, you trip over something: a glass bottle, partially buried in the sand, its stopper conveniently intact. Inside, a water-stained map of this very island. What a coincidence!
What perils and adventures await?
Above the Fold
The best vantage point on the island. From here, you can see but you can also be seen by passing ship captains who don’t like scrolling.
Cave of Wise Ogilvy
Legends speak of a wise sage who lives in a desolate cave atop a windswept mountain. Steel thyself, for his advice cuts deep. But not as deep as his Common-Sense Cutlass. If Sage Ogilvy had a spirit animal, it wouldn’t be his horse, Simple Sentence.
Clarity Cove
Drink deep from these crystal-clear waters and your customers will never be confused about the benefits you sell. The water also has healing properties and is an antidote to the simile snake’s bite.
Content City
This swinging city is full of cool content cats and hungry hustle-bros. It truly is the city that never sleeps, so the CTA café is a popular hipster hangout.
Evergreen Forest
These magical trees live forever, bringing life to ancient websites through the mycelium network of eternal relevance. Yet do not underestimate these generous giants. Their fruits are rare and difficult to reach. You must climb through branches of thorny search queries to catch a mere glimpse of these elusive prizes.
The Funnel of Impending Sales
It calls itself a funnel to sound cute but in truth it is a terrifying vortex. Unwitting prospects who innocently think they are browsing cookery blogs suddenly get sucked into buying a full range of festive kitchenware they didn’t know they needed.
The Jargon Jungle
To traverse the Jargon Jungle, one must disrupt the synergy of the industry thought leaderbirds with blue sky thinking and elevate stakeholder investoparrots by leveraging paradigm shift headwinds above the foliage. Be nimble, dig deep and give 110% for the team or you will find yourself in the weeds being gleefully ingested by a ravenous smarketing squirrel. Circle back, bro. Remember, we’re a family here.
Oracle of Ideal Clients
Marketing gurus pay their respects, seeking insight. Is the oracle real or just an AI hallucination? Noone knows.
Pain Point
A bare, exposed rock that juts out to sea. Venture here to listen to the painful wails of online shoppers. Product developers scale the rocks, looking for ideas. But no matter what solutions these innovators create, the consumers’ voracious hunger will never cease.
SEO Quagmire
Keyword Wraiths emerge from the mists and lead lost content writers astray with their mesmerising lights. Watch out for the irrelevant long-tails. Remember: Never stray from the path or you may not be seen again in the featured snippets.
Temple of Testimonials
You must serve as a humble freelancing acolyte for at least one project before you may receive the spiritual gifts of client testimonials. Even then, your performance must be exceptional. Serving at the temple is a compulsory initiation for any freelancer wishing to be accepted into the Church of the Employed.
The Vale of Metaphor
An enchanted elven glade where nothing is quite as it seems. Take special care here. The low-hanging fruit might look tempting if you’re barking up the wrong tree, but it will just leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.
Don’t be bitten by a simile snake! It hurts like hell.
Wishful Thinking Waterfall
O, the Wishful Thinking Waterfall: do not listen to its deceiving whispers, no matter how they speak to your desires.
After perusing the map, you begin to shiver. You realise you have landed in Clarity Cove and cautiously take a sip of water through your cupped hands. To your surprise, instead of sea salt, you taste inspiration. You must find this Wise Sage Ogilvy.
Turning inland, you notice the lights of a distant settlement twinkling on in the fading light. Could its kindly folk point you in the right direction? There’s only one way to find out…
Abandoned by the Oracle? Bitten by a Simile Snake?
Don’t worry, if you need a guide through the Funnel of Impending Sales, www.amynelson.co.uk is just a click away.
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